Feeling Tired Inside: No Pep Talk, No Tips

How are you?

How would most people respond to that question?

We often know that this question is meant to exchange niceties. So we respond in a polite manner.

“I’m fine” or “I’m good”. And throw in a, “Thanks. How about you?” And we expect the same or similar response in return.

A friend of mine used to say, “I’m living the dream!” A bit unique and a clever spin on a polite response. So he stood out. But when I noticed him, he looked tired. I briefly wondered if he felt like he was “living the dream” because he enjoyed his job or because he felt like falling asleep and dreaming.

It’s been years since I’ve seen him, but that stuck with me. Because when I look at many people, they seem tired.

And aren’t we all tired?

We all have things in our lives that cause us to become tired. Just the mere thought of it zaps the energy out of an otherwise wonderful day.

Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m talking about the things that make you tired from within yourself. I’m talking about being tired on the inside.

I explained this to a friend while we were preparing for board exams. We were talking about the stress of exams, the stress of school, and the stress of the unknown. Because believe it or not, after spending all this time training and taking on a few hundred thousand dollars of debt to get this education, you’re not guaranteed a job.

So I explained to my friend that I’m not tired of studying. Don’t get me wrong, studying is actually a physically exhausting process. So we take breaks, take time off for mental health, make sure we eat well and get exercise, sleep well, and resume our studies in an organized fashion.

But I was attempting to explain to him that I’m tired on the inside. And when I said that, he understood immediately.

This was honestly a shock to me. I thought I was weird or crazy. I thought I was alone in this experience. But he said five words that made me feel heard.

He said, “‘Tired’ is exactly the word.”

Have You Ever Felt Like You’re Alone?

When you tell someone you’re tired, you’re often met with dismissive responses.

The implication being that feeling tired is perfectly normal and you should just ignore it and just keep going.

Nobody takes the time to hear you. Usually because they’re tired too. And those same people told themselves whatever it took to persevere and get by.

But to persevere is not the right word to describe these people. To persevere has an implication of doing more than just surviving. They thrive in the situation not because they enjoy the conflict but because they have an inner life force that guides them through the rough patch in their lives and into calmer waters.

But when you’re tired, you’re in a storm where nothing is clear. You can’t see the people in the same boat as you with the same struggles.

I’m not just talking about my experience of the unknown.

What about the single mother who can’t make ends meet?

What about the sibling who got involved with drugs or alcohol and has been in and out of rehab while putting an emotional and financial strain on the family?

What about the pandemic taking your loved ones. And you weren’t able to be by their side because of hospital restrictions.

What about those loved ones that were taken from other medical conditions and we were not able to attend to them because of those exact same restrictions from the pandemic.

What about bringing home a newborn who was supposed to be perfectly healthy according to all the scans and tests the Doctor did, but then you’re surprised with a diagnosis that forces you to accept your child will not lead a normal life.

What about the person who lived a perfectly healthy life but received a terminal diagnosis at a young age. And now he/she doesn’t know how to break it to the family they’re trying to build and the children they’re trying to raise in a world that would not care about their well-being. And you’re supposed to be there to protect and nurture them.

What about sending your children to school on a normal day, and receiving a phone call that there’s been a shooting.

The list of life’s greatest upsets can go on forever.

And over time, you feel tired.

And people say we should be grateful for what we have. Gratitude is the #1 way to relieve feelings of negativity. And that is true.

But here’s the thing, “I’m tired”.

But here’s the other thing, people are depending on you. They need you to keep doing what you’re doing. And very often, that thought alone will exacerbate the feeling of being tired.

What are you trying to avoid that’s causing you to be tired. What are you working around instead of going straight through.

We may mistake weariness for weakness. But just because you are weary, doesn’t make you weak.

You are NOT alone.

How Do You Get When You’re Tired?

I personally get mean.

I’m irritable. My mood goes through the ground.

And the worst part of it is that only the people I love get my mean side. A perfect stranger might never know. A coworker will never know. But my loved ones?

Why is it easy to allow them to see your irritability? Because you are vulnerable to them.

You never want to let “other” people into your heart. But your loved ones know your heart.

And when you are tired, you start fighting fights that don’t even matter. And worse still, you fight loved ones that are trying to help you get through your difficulties.

You say words you don’t even mean. You create situations that you regret.

And you begin to think to yourself, “What’s wrong with me? I love these people. They don’t deserve this.”

Well here’s a news flash: you are TIRED.

Now don’t get me wrong. Being tired DOES NOT give you a free pass to do whatever you want or say whatever you want.

But as human beings that are capable of becoming tired, we are also capable of being self aware.

We are capable of being mindful and finding a way to decompress. To recharge. To use these moments as an opportunity for growth rather than destruction.

We are capable of taking time to sit with ourselves alone and rest.

No Pep Talk, No Tips

There is no Rah-Rah speech here.

There are no tips here.

The best thing to do in times of difficulty is to take your rest as needed.

This is often instinctive for most people when circumstances become overwhelming and nothing seems to be going according to plan.

While this is an excellent instinct to follow, I would make a suggestion to enhance the value of rest.

When you have taken enough time to stop and sit, when you feel you are as ready as you can be to continue facing the day, when your brain feels like it’s coming back online, take a few extra minutes to breathe.

Take a little time to reconsider your world view.

The Serenity Prayer

There is a prayer known as a Serenity prayer which says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.“

Knowing the difference has always been my source of frustration.

When I am tired, when my soul feels tired, I have to pray this prayer to myself.

Honestly, I don’t always remember. I often forget. I get caught up in the daily problems.

And when this happens, I essentially do the exact opposite of what this prayer asks for. I resist things I cannot change. I try to control things I cannot control. And I lack the insight that helps me realize that I am fighting my nature and the nature of the world.

Some people might take this prayer to the extreme. Some may convince themselves that they are not in control of anything and they can either go with the flow or retreat from the world. But this does not help you become the human being you were meant to be on this planet.

Others may convince themselves that everything can be controlled if you apply yourself hard enough and long enough. But if you apply your head to a brick wall, do you really think that will end well for you?

Respect the Laws of Your Nature

It’s best to have the wisdom to realize that you cannot control the laws of a brick’s nature and the laws of your head’s nature.

Instead, have the wisdom to begin looking for the door. No door? The end of the wall. No end in sight? Steps. No steps? How about a tunnel?

People themselves can often feel like brick walls. We often say, “Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.”

If you go head to head, you might over-power the other. However this will be at a great personal cost. You will feel like you’ve been in a battle. And potentially lose a relationship that means a great deal to you.

It is possible to have your heart in the right place, but still lose beautiful people in your life. And that is a hard reality to swallow. Especially when we would do anything to protect those people in our lives.

But again, the Prayer of Serenity helps us realize that we are often outcome-oriented.

We want to beat that diagnosis. We want to protect our children from crazed shooters. We want to be there when they walk down the aisle and say, “I do” to who we feel is the “right” person for them. We want to ensure their success in the future by making sure they get the “right” job. We want to make sure they grow up to have happy and enriched lives as we thought it should be.

The ironic thing is that forcing an outcome creates strife. It creates friction. And with friction comes the sense of spinning your wheels in opposite directions. With friction comes the sense of feeling tired.

Our natural reaction as human beings is to stay away from feelings of discomfort. We think that avoidance, distraction, or ignorance resolves any problem. We even have a handy phrase, “Ignorance is bliss”.

Sit with Your Feelings

To resolve a problem, we must sit with our feelings. Uncomfortable feelings will always be a part of life.

We have to embrace this reality. Allow it to embrace us. And allow it a path towards expression.

Notice what you feel.

Notice where you feel it.

Identify its origin.

What does it make you feel like doing?

Is there an actual danger that needs to be addressed?

Does it sound reasonable?

What would happen if you simply sat with the feeling and gave it space?

Often, I find the feelings I experience will worsen over time if I do not give it the space it requires.

there is a caveat here, ignoring it or distracting yourself is NOT the same as giving it space.

Providing space to a feeling is done by sitting with it and observing it. Studying it. Appreciating its presence. Allowing it to express itself. And finally letting it go.

Conclusion

We are all tired. Not just surface-level tiredness. A soul-level tired.

When this happens, do not feel obligated to react.

Take some time to just sit with it. Appreciate its presence. Observe it, like a unique flower in a meadow.

Then, if you choose to respond, you may do so with gratitude.