6 Powerful Tips: Your Anger is Your Anchor When the Storm Builds

“Fear is the path to the dark-side.  Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” ~ Yoda

Yoda was very wise.  However I would take his wisdom one step further.

Fear leads to anger or calm.  

Anger leads to hate or love.

Hate leads to suffering or peace.  

What Yoda described in his wisdom CAN be true IF we choose that path.  It can also be true if we fail to choose a path at all and simply let our emotions feed on themselves.  

We would be foolish to believe that Yoda never felt fear or anger or hatred.  After all, his wisdom comes from personal experience.  

He chose to recognize and accept the dark-side within himself, and consciously choose the path of good.  

He accepted that he will be afraid at times, and chose the path of calmness over anger.

He accepted that he will be angry at times, and chose the path of love over hatred.  

He accepted that he will hate at times, and chose the path of peace over suffering.  

With all the practice throughout his years, he got really good at recognizing the darkness and finding the light within.

He got really good at finding his internal balance by using fear, anger, and hatred as guides; His personal teachers throughout life.  

You Cannot Choose Your Teacher

But it would be nice, wouldn’t it?

Imagine a world where we can make suffering disappear with a snap of the finger.  

What would you just SNAP! and POUF! out of existence?

A broken heart?  Bad break-ups?  Cancer?  Starvation?  Paying rent?  COVID-19?  

These are just some of the universal problems we face.  But what about our personal secrets?  The ones we keep under lock and key.  The pain we guard at all costs and will take to our grave?  The burdens we bare alone and will not let anyone see or help because we fear being ridiculed and ostracized.  

These are our teachers.  

The hardships help us realize our disillusionment.  We come face to face with our own ignorance of how we thought the world worked.  

Our inner truth is revealed when we strip away the superficial delusions.  

Our unchosen teachers actually chose us.  They chose us to confront our inner truth; To unveil the light within our darkness; an apocalypse of the self.  

Recognizing the Origin

We often experience events in our lives as something that happened TO us.  There was a cause beyond our control which took effect upon us.  

If that outside force had a positive impact on us, we are happy.  

But if that outside force had a negative effect, we instinctively believe THAT is the origin of our problem.  

So we learn to fear that problem.  We get angry about it.  And if that problem stays unresolved, we eventually learn to hate it.  

But what if we flip that script?

Most people have heard that our outer world is a reflection of our inner world.  

That is not to say that there will not be things outside of our control.  Indeed there will always be surprises that are good and bad.  

There will always be horrible situations despite your very best intentions and efforts.  

But whenever I got mad for a stupid reason, I asked myself, “Why would THAT make me mad?!”

Isn’t it bizarre and ridiculous that being called “stupid” would get me angry?  And it comes in various forms.  I don’t have to be verbally told.  A failed test can cause depression; which is an alternative form of anger (kind of like water can be solid as ice, liquid as water, and air like water vapor).  

Whatever makes you angry is not actually the thing that angers you.  

Please realize the opportunity to speak with the core of who you are.  Realize the opportunity to clear the dirt off your inner greatness.  

There is an internal struggle at that moment.  That thing out there may have unsettled you.  Or perhaps you have been unwittingly unsettled and that thing out there is helping you realize your inner reality.   

Drop the pretenses and explore your struggles.  

Find the origin, and you will find your heart. 

The Cost of Inner Achievement and Greatness

Your greatness will only cost you your current perception of reality.  

Life is a constant realization of the truth; a constant unveiling of your inner reality.  And as you grow, you shed that which no longer serves you in the next season of your life.  

Anyone who’s lived long enough to have a few life experiences will know that this is NOT easy.  

Just talk to a single mom of three who knows life would be easier if she gave up her children for adoption, but fights to keep her family together and put food on the table even when she doesn’t have enough for herself.  

Talk to a desperate father pouring over medical research and making connections with people in the field so that his child’s medical condition can be cured.  

Speak with the daughter whose parents have been taken by the COVID-19 pandemic.  

Our greatness is derived from our relationship with others and our relationship to ourselves. 

But it is hard!  We get angry in these times.  But these are also the times we connect with our core.  

Anger is not the only way to connect with our core.  But anger is simply another opportunity to reconnect with your innermost self.  

This is not a license to be an abusive jerk towards others or towards yourself.  But there is a healthy way to use anger as a teacher.  Appreciate the value anger can add to your life.  

Even Jesus, the son of God, got angry.  So if anger can serve an important purpose for Him, then the nature of anger must serve an important purpose for us.  It can help us recognize when we need to realign our core with the truth of the world and drop misunderstandings.  

Tips to Break the Anger Loop

Yoda described a loop.  

One thing leads to the other which leads to the other.  Then it recycles and starts over.

You CAN break that loop.  

Anger, hatred, and fear are not necessarily bad or good things.  They are teachers.

They motivate people to bring about change from the inside-out.

But this change is hard, guaranteed!

Here are some tips to help you based on how I experience these teachers:

1. Monkeys, monkey around
   • When I first get angry, I am in no condition to think logically.  I give myself the space and time required to settle down.  
   • Exercise, meditation, music, art, and journaling are just a few examples to take time and space.  
   • Give your anger the space it needs to run its course in a healthy way.
     1. Can’t get away for long?  Take 5 deep breaths and hold each for 5 seconds before releasing.  Not always the best method, but this works in a pinch from my experience.
     2. Deep breathing doesn’t work for you?  Maybe something else relaxes you.  A quick doodle, jotting down words or phrases that come to mind, tensing your muscles for 5 seconds and letting go all at once, hum a tune.  
     3. Be mindful of the thing that relaxes you most, then create an abbreviated version just in case you don’t have much time. 
2. Anger is overwhelming; or are you angry BECAUSE you are overwhelmed?
   • Sometimes the best solution is less stimulation.
   • You might find that nothing seems to relax you anymore.  In this case, recognize that you are overwhelmed.
   • Plan for time to simply do nothing.  I do not mean to meditate.  I do not mean watch TV or stare at your phone.  I do not mean to go for a walk.  I mean to do absolutely NOTHING.  
   • Our brains can handle so much stimulation in a day.  
   • Even though you might not choose to be bored, your brain NEEDS to be bored once in a while.  Doing nothing is restorative in its own right.
3. Every thought is a seed.  You choose the seed that sprouts and grows.
   • The thoughts that spawn fear, anger, and hatred are often not our own.
   • You have 2 options:
     1. Find the “bad” seed and root it out; which often kills the surrounding good crops of thought.
     2. Plant and nurture the seeds of your own design, letting the bad crop wither away while the good grows stronger by the day.
   • Your mind is like a garden.  Gardens require conscientious tending and nurture.  Mind your garden and your thoughts will blossom.
4. There’s more to your story
   • Anger lets you know there’s more to your story.  
   • That’s why writing it out helps.  
   • Take the time to put your thoughts on paper or on a screen.  I find this helps me understand myself better because it organizes the swirling thoughts in my brain.
   • There’s more than one way to journal.  Monumental artists and poets got their name because they expressed themselves on canvas, clay or the written word.  
   • There are various mediums you can use to “write” your story.  Pick the one that is healthiest and most natural to you (Legally, ethically, and morally, of course).
5. Don’t wait for their apology. Forgive yourself
   • You can wait a lifetime for their apology and/or gratitude, and spend that lifetime in bitterness and resentment while they enjoyed themselves.
   • Use anger as an opportunity to express gratitude. But doing so in a spiteful way is not pure gratitude.  
   • Gratitude cannot come without unconditional forgiveness (I never said this stuff was easy).  
6. Gratitude builds upon the stable foundation of Love.  Forgiveness is the gateway back to Love.
   • I will let you ponder that for a while.  

Please leave comments below.  I especially appreciate any feedback as well as anything you would like me to write about in the future.  

Thank you for reading!